Choosing your caregiver

Pregnant woman in the doctor's office!

So when you have a few names, make an appointment to TALK. Even if (most likely) they are going to charge you a visit, use the time to ask your “what if” questions. Be precise.  For example: What if I don’t want an episiotomy? What if I don’t want drugs? What if I want to keep my baby on my chest, skin-to-skin after birth? What if I want my husband, my sister and my doula with me at the time of birth? What if I want the epidural but I am at 9 or 10 cm already? What if I want to give birth in water? All your personal preference questions need to be asked ahead of time. In fact, the way the caregiver reacts to your enquiries WILL give you the best hint on how understanding and patient he/she is; how flexible and respectful of you he/she is, and that will make a huge difference at the time of birth. If they avoid the question(s) and say things like: “Oh, we will see when we are there” or “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that”. Be aware! The communication is not going to be easier as time goes…

Here is a simple example. It is not uncommon to hear the caregiver answer: “That is up to the pediatrician to decide”, regarding questions about the baby in the immediate after birth. The thing is, I have never seen a pediatrician AT the birth. NICU nurse? Yes, when there is a reason for  specific health concern, Neonatology nurse? Yes, if the baby is more then 2-3 weeks premature. But a pediatrician? Huh, huh. They visit once a day, usually do a routine newborn exam in the nursery (at the same time as they see their other baby-patients) and sign the discharge paper for your baby to go home. So who decides for example if you can keep your baby on your chest skin-to-skin for a couple of hours after birth? (Click here for information on why you would want that). Sometimes, it could be “routine” for that place of birth (yes, there is hope), then you would know when you tour the facility. Most often, it is up to YOU to make the request from the beginning and continue until the baby is born (that is one reason, you want to have an advocate that can speaks for you when you are busy giving birth. Best choice would be your partner, second best choice, your doula (or who ever will play that supportive role for you).

Nurse-midwife attending a home water birth.

Most caregivers, docs and midwives are very nice people, they love their job for sure but they don’t always have all the information. Remember that nowadays, OB/GYN doctors are trained as surgeons. They use models to train for complications in vaginal delivery. Their midset and automatic response is to emergency, danger and something going wrong… And we are grateful that these skills save lives everyday! BUT, in absence of threat, maybe you and most importantly YOUR BABY deserves a chance to enter the world peacefully with the least interventions, undisturbed for a “thriving” start rather than a stressful, fight or flight setup that they will keep for the rest of their lives!

So it is up to you to ask the difficult questions NOW so you can make the best choice, the team that makes you feel most comfortable. Because the big secret about an easy, uncomplicated labor is COMFORT. I mean “comfort” as in “the opposite of conflict”, or being at ease with the place, the situation and the people around you . At the end, you want to be surrounded with love, respect and most of all trust. Trust in you, the human body (yours and the baby) and the Grand Design that orchestrates it all!

Special thanks (gracias especial) to my friends Doris and Samara who were the caregivers of Martha and Francisco for the birth of their second child, Francisco Zaid in Monterrey, May 11, 2012!

Link to “How to Choose Your Birth Team PART 1: The Birth Place”

Link to  ”How to Choose Your Birth Team PART  3: Sample questionnaire”

Choosing your place of birth is going to limit your choices one way or another. That is why it is a good idea to first decide on the place of birth! So ask yourself:

Where do I want to give birth to my baby?

Baby immediately after birth being "checked out" in the warmer.

The choice might be easy for you if you know you want an epidural or you know you want a waterbirth. The first one makes it mandatory to be in the hospital, the second, (in most US cities) would restrict you to be at home or in a birthing center equipped with the adequate tub (allowing for at least 24 inches of water for buoyancy). A regular bath tub is not adequate…But that is a whole article in itself! Also consider reading about physiological, undisturbed birth and how it changes you baby’s start in life!

Mom and Dad gazing with baby skin-to-skin.

If you find yourself in the majority of the “on the fence”, and “I don’t really know” type of pregnant couples…. Consider this: If it is correct that the process of birth is profoundly influenced by the level of stress of the mother (and father too, by the way), than choosing a place that is most conducive to relaxation and trust is of utmost importance!

Monitoring heart beat of baby (babies) and monitoring contractions (here 5 minutes apart).

For some of you, being in the hospital with all the technology readily available is most comforting while for others just the thought of being in a controlled environment with all the limitations it implies would create high levels of stress physically and emotionally. So decide what it is for you (mom first, because she is most connected to her baby, and what mom feels, baby feels!). Then, share your thoughts, preferences and “whys” with your partner.

Your partner’s comfort is important too but secondary. This is not a good time for you to compromise in an attempt to take care of your husband’s fear and create some more in you. Be honest about how you both feel and find a solution that brings comfort to both of you. For example, if you would prefer a home birth with a lay midwife, and your partner is concerned about “something going wrong” and would prefer having a doctor in a hospital, perhaps a birthing center close to a hospital would satisfy both of you. Or choosing a nurse midwife practicing in a hospital with a medical practice that includes obstetricians?

The next step is to investigate and interview. Not just your family and friends… Think about it, they only “used” that person once or twice, maybe 3 to 5 0r even 6 times but it is only a few times. Also the opinion one woman has of her birth attendant is very subjective. So always ask for their “whys”: what did you really like about this person, place , this nurse, this particular birth. Why did you (or would you) choose that same person again? Remember, you can be best friends and have very different ideas about what feel comforting and supporting. What reassures her may be exactly what triggers anxiety in you!

Ask other people, like L & D nurses. They too have their personal preferences but they see the medical staff (doctors and nurse midwives) in many different settings and circumstances: long labor, short labor, difficulties and non medical birth (Hopefully… Because it’s becoming a rare sight in some parts of the country). You get the idea.

If you plan on hiring a doula, also start interviewing early and ask for her input regarding where to go depending on your birth preference. She too has probably seen many births from the same caregiver in different circumstances.

So ask around and build a list or maybe 2 lists. One of caregivers (MDs, midwives nurse-midwives) and one of doulas (think of it as your personal assistant at birth).

Visit how to choose your birth team part 2 for details on the interviewing them!

Was this helpful to you? What are some other prenatal questions you want me to address?

Use the comment box to let me know!

Alex from Leigh Ann, Dallas, TX (This picture belongs to Leigh Ann, please do not steal)

It all started with my desire to update the timeline picture of the “havethebirthyouwant” facebook page… I thought of a picture of a baby (or babies) in a field of bluebonnets! They are so beautiful this year, thanks to all the rainfall we have had!

So I ask all my clients and friends to offer a picture and it became… A contest! At this point and all through April 14 2012 anyone can submit a picture (or 2) of their baby (say up to 3 year old), “grandbaby”, “godbaby”, “doula baby” or “midwive/fairy godmother baby” or neighbor baby. You can conveniently use the comment below to submit and I will put your picture in the gallery! Then we will have the voting part, here and on FB.

The winner will be posted (with credits) here and as the timeline picture the FB page of MAY 2012 AND the adult submitting the picture (the person who leaves his/her email in the comment) will win a FREE full length session with me using either Hypnosis or Thetahealing® or Emotional Freedom Taping Method, your choice. The session can be conducted in person at my office in Dallas, Texas or using video chat like Skype or iCHAT!

PICTURE REQUIREMENTS TO BE ENTERED:

Jessica from Julie, Dallas, TX

• Horizontal (landscape) format
• min 390 pixels wide  and 300 pixels high
• color or black & white
• At least 1 baby under 3 years old in the picture

Alright, I think that is everything! Let us see what you’ve got…

Undisturbed Birth requires:

• Trust and Confidence from the caregiver in the mother and from both parents in the woman’s ability to birth
• A minimum of Knowledge of the “Grand Design” of mother and baby for the natural unfolding of birth when undisturbed by outside interventions (that knowledge will foster Trust and Confidence!).
• Respect of the mother’s choices (of place,  of position, of timing, of aids -water, hypnosis, chanting, breathing, etc.-)
• A pain management plan: water, doula, hypnosis, acupuncture, homeopathy, massage (especially Light Touch)… All of the above would be MY choice! (see also 5 Golden Rules for an Easier Birth)
• The mother to have an active, prepared and automatic method/means of Connecting to her own “Spiritual Support”.  Birth is such an intense and powerful event in a human’s life (mother and father) that it requires your “spiritual attention”. If you have no habit or means of communicating with that aspect of you, birth will catch you by surprise… But perhaps, it is part of the “Grand Design” as I called it before, to “push” you into taking a more active role in your connection with “Source” (or Oneness or Spirit or God). That has very little to do with what religion you practice or adhere to, it is a personal daily conscious decision to “connect” with that Greater part of you! That to me, is the most important “requirement” to give birth in bliss!
• And for the physiological aspect, here are some world renowned experts explaining it to you briefly… When the mother giving birth is undisturbed, the hormones are flowing, the baby’s natural reflexes take place and all unfold easily…

HAPPY “Undisturbed” BIRTH TO YOU!

What are the optimal conditions for a physiological birth?

I have been writing like crazy and have a lot of new “stuff” prepared for you in 2012! Stay warm, be safe and many, many blogs to you in 2012!

Nadine

Time for some practical answers!

First, let’s reframe… ’cause no one wants or needs more work, right? In my one-on-one classes, I always use the word “PLAY” in stead of “work” as in homeplay (instead of homework) because of the heavy emotional charge of the word “work” (same as “labor” by the way).

Deep belly breathing is a calming and grounding!

So here is some homeplay for you: you can make it fun and light!

•  Do your research! Read books (see our bookstore for my personal preferences and recommendations) or find lots of info online: read the articles on this site (back pain relief, hot bath guidelines, epidural side effect, self-hypnosis, etc.) or use the search box with key words and check out the links to other great website we like.

• Talk to your husband, decide what you want and commit to it! We are going to call that “The Birth You Want” or TBYW

• Organize your “support people” around TBYW. Choose a caregivers that supports your vision and will be there to hep you rather than impose a routine medical model on you. Interview and hire a doula that supports TBYW.

• Write a detailed birth plan: not too long but covering labor, birth and immediate after birth thinking about what is best for the baby’s best start.

• Choose a childbirth preparation program that empowers you, provides additional information and teaches you skills that are in agreement with TBYW. In doubt, go back to what made you decide on “that” birth in the first place.

• Find and commit to a regular (that means minimum once a week) “grounding” practice like yoga (prenatal or gentle), tai chi chuan, qigong, meditation or others… Breathing is an integral part of all these ancient practices and, yes, also an integral part in the process of grounding! (I am working on an article with video demos on pranayama- the ancient art of breathing life force).

• Set 10-15 minutes every day to connect with your baby in the womb. Use your imagination, gentle touch, talking, singing, even reading to your baby. Even more fun to do together with your husband or life partner.

Ten minutes a day of "baby connect": make it fun and playful!

• Self-hypnosis, guided imagery relaxation, Quantum Focusing® and visual daydreaming are all very beneficial in learning how to find your place of inner peace within and relax deeply any time you wish. I teach many “mindfulness” and centering fun and easy practices in my childbirth preparation program called “Quantum Birthing”. For a weekly (or even daily) practice, in bed at night or any time during the day download the free mp3 available on this website.

Try some of these, add your own ideas, let me know how it works for you…

Happy Pregnancy!

It’s not a question, it’s actually an answer! I just wanted to get it out right upfront: if you want something different, unconventional and empowering for the birth of your child…, it is going to take preparation and dedicated time and effort from the moment you know you are pregnant!

Imagine, daydream, plan and relax!

When I say it is going to be “work” what I mean is that, there is a certain amount of ACTION required. It is not physically demanding (not more than the normal changes occurring in any pregnant body!), it is more of a conscious decision and willingness to “find out” -information-, research -more information- and practice -relaxation, self-hypnosis, yoga or other mind/body techniques- on a consistent basis.

Why, you asked?

1) Because the “full” information is not that easy to get. The so-called, believed experts are not in a full disclosure mode for what ever reason. And the information you do get may be very confusing, one person contradicting the other. It could be very upsetting in a way that it doesn’t make sense to you. So, you the consumer have to ask the questions, be curious and be willing to search and sort through the jungle of information to find what is right FOR YOU! And that is work!

2) If you are reading this post, you are likely very “unconventional”, going against the flow in most of your important life decision, right? Well if “the flow” is not satisfying to you, than going the opposite direction is the right way FOR YOU,  isn’t it? Unfortunately, you know (or even have experienced), when you do things “differently”, when you take the road less traveled or get somehow above the crowd, they always want to bring you back down. So, you probably WILL encounter critics, negative comments and judgments. You are going to need support people (hopefully you life partner and family) and you are going to need some (maybe new) skills to stay grounded and confident in the midst of all that turmoil… And that is work!

3) Last of all: YOU! You are your worst enemy in this situation as in any situation! Your self-doubt and old fears (or new fears) and perhaps also the ones you picked up along the way from friends and family are going to “get to you”. What I called the “monkey” mind: the little voice inside your head that always brings you down, judges and criticizes when you have some beginning of a success… The monkey mind is going to scare you and will make you want to give up.  There are techniques and practices that help you quiet it down and reconnect with that inner wise part of you, and empowers you… And that definitely is work!

Keep in your mind the wonderful picture of why you are doing all this and putting this much effort for these 9 monhs! Your beautiful baby deserves the best of your attention and dedication. Remember, the quality of life in the womb does make a difference in the adult life, research is proving it!

See you next week for Part 2: The Practical Answers!

"... drawn into a fast learning spiral!"

As his life partner, best friend and preferred helper/healer, I too was drawn into a fast learning spiral… I had been thinking, reading and “asking” for guidance in healing trauma (especially emotional trauma from birth) and there before me lied many of the answers. From the energetic approach and the “helper’s” way of “holding the space” for healing, to the unbelievable extend of the impact it (the trauma) has on one’s life and how it is all interconnected to the point where healing one aspect uncovers and potentially heals many others, older, forgotten ones.

I could go on in long and large for many pages (and you will see the impact of my discoveries in the future work that unfolds in the next year or two) BUT, for now here is in a nut shell: “See Only Love”.

Click on the image to read more about the "angel cards"

“See only Love” is the name of one of the cards from Doreen Virtue‘s “Daily Guidance from your Angels” deck. I picked that card today! It says “Look past the seeming errors, mistakes, and misunderstandings, and see only the love within each person (including yourself)…”

I realized how much I had done “that” in the past few weeks and how it is one  key (if not the most important one) to healing emotional trauma! The truth is, no matter who the other person is (a spouse, a child, a friend, a client,….), they are already blaming themselves so much.

The blame and guilt keep the “trauma” energy trapped in stead of letting it just go through! Unconditional love and compassionate understanding allow that “healing space” for them to let it go! I remember clearly, in the ER with my husband in shock, his expression changing and my “feeling” was like a bubble had just burst!

So when your toddler does his next “booboo”, remember… “See only love”! When your next client “fails” to follow her birth plan… “Se only love”. When YOU make your next “oops”,… “See yourself only with love, as love, and loved”! Pick up the pieces and keep going with a lighter step…Perhaps!

We always are someone’s “healer”!

What’s your story?

Because of her strong “tone” in post # 8 (you know, the tone we use after logic, science and sweet talk have failed), she got a lot of “heat” from… Women!

Really?

No one wants to take away your right to raise your child as you please, it is just a matter of making sure you have ALL the RIGHT information… Not reduced to the biased info fed back to you by the media and the medical community influenced by pharmaceutical and food companies only interested in making more money! It is your child health (maybe even your child’s life) at stake after all! So wouldn’t you be grateful that someone as qualified as Dr Narvaez steps up on a soap box once in a while and ruffles some of your comfortable beliefs?

If you are ready to learn more go read Dr D. Narvaez’ breastfeeding series.
If you are not a “reading” kind of person, here is a video her students made just for you!

Infant Nutrition: Breastfeeding vs. Formula, Darcia Narvaez

Here is where Dr Narvaez sets the record straight Breastmilk Wipes Out Formula: Responses to Critical Comments, and I particularly like the very last paragraph where she gives a few ideas on what YOU (anyone) can do to help change the general population awareness!!!

BREASTFEEDING is EVERYONE’S BUSINESS!

If you have stories or comments that enlighten how much we need to change as a society in regards to breastfeeding, please share with us!

Here is her story in an email she sent me a few months after:

“It was such an amazing birth!”

“I started feeling the first signs of labor at about 11:30 Tuesday night, very mild contraction.[That is what is called early labor, no need to change anything in your routine]….[Sonogram appointment on Wednesday, doctors want to induce, midwife said get a good night sleep, we'll do it tomorrow... ] At 11:30PM on Wednesday night, my water broke and it was obvious no induction would be needed.

The hypnosis worked wonders during the first 24 hours of labor. In fact, sometimes I wasn’t completely sure if I was really having any contractions because as soon as I felt something I would relax and all of a sudden it seemed to disappear. During the stronger labor, it took a lot more effort and concentration but I still think it went absolutely amazing.

It was more tiring than anything I have ever done which is pretty much a given with something that works you out like labor. I was already about 5 centimeters dilated when I got to the birth center which was an hour or two after the strong labor started up. It went so quick from there. I was only in the strong labor for about 5-6 hours.

Sometime during that time, I have no idea what time exactly because I was so zoned out, I decided to get into the water and it helped a lot. I remember thinking how I was afraid Dinah (my midwife) would think it was slowing my labor down because it was so relaxing. I could feel the contractions but they weren’t near as intense. I got out of the water at one point so I could lye on my side in the bed and then all of a sudden I just felt the need to push and started doing it.

At that point Dinah called her assistant and I went back into the water, it just felt right to birth him there. It was amazing feeling him come down the birth canal. I could actually feel him move back a bit when I closed my legs after a contraction so I had them hold my legs apart in between contractions (I was laying on my side because that kept me underwater best). Then I pushed him out with this energy that I have no idea where I got it from and I remember feeling this movement and I assumed it was Dinah doing something and I asked her not to do it because it hurt and she told me that it was the baby moving his head, how cute! And with the next contraction he was out.

I asked my mom about how long I was pushing and she said it was about 10 minutes. I remember feeling him being put on my chest and it took me a few seconds to open my eyes because I was just so focused on the feeling of him being pulled up and set onto me.

After a few days, I started thinking how I can’t wait to have another one…. I think a big part of what made it so amazing was the fact that I did it myself. I had assistance when I needed it, but I still did it myself, no one did it for me. I honestly don’t think I could’ve had a better first birth experience.

The one thing I would change about that day is maybe with the next one I’ll get more sleep once the baby goes to sleep. I was too excited and kept staring at him and didn’t take advantage of the opportunity for sleep.

Well, I’m really tired and must get some sleep. Can’t wait to see you!”

Emy

Dallas, February 10, 2006

For the record, Emy’s baby was 8lbs10oz and she had just a little tear that did not need stitches. I have seen it over and over again: small women can birth big babies, if they are in the right (relaxed) environment, and allowed to follow their body’s lead in terms of position, “pushing” and everything else at the time of birth!

Also, it is more difficult to stay in the pain-free “zone” all the way without a partner or a doula trained in hypnosis… (More on the important role of the partner in another blog)

Comments? Questions? Do you have a similar story you want to share?